“I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.”

“I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from... you heterosexuals.”

"I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: "Ohhh my God, you're thin."
- Ellen Degeneres